Have you ever been really hurt by someone you love? Yeah, me too! It stinks, doesn’t it? When we love others, it makes us vulnerable, and sometimes we get hurt. We live in a fallen, broken, sinful world. People will disappoint us, they will fail us, and they will hurt us, and this is particularly the case when we are hurt by those we love most.

This week I encountered a woman who was deeply wounded by her adulterous now ex-husband, and her father who divorced her mother to marry a woman who was younger than she was. Those are the people that we least expect to hurt us. Our spouse, our parents, our children, our friends, the people we attend church with are the ones we expect to love us, and never hurt us. But they do.



When we are hurt by others our flesh wants to lash out in some visceral way. We want to share our hurts with others in hopes that we will find answers to our pain. If we receive wise counsel it can help us to process our feelings and emotions, and point us to Jesus. Faithful friends will be sure to pray with us and for us.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.     James 5:16 ESV

We need to be cautious who we share our hurts with because if we receive the wrong counsel it can further provoke us to foolishness, anger, wrath, and malice. We are responsible for ourselves, and we can not control the actions or emotions of others.

What should we do when we are deeply wounded by others?

First, we should pray!

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. – 1 Peter 5:6-8 ESV

From these verses in 1 Peter we are first told to humble ourselves, and cast all of our worry, concern and cares on Jesus because he cares for us. He loves us so much that he laid his life down for us that we might be saved.

In Psalms 46:1 we are told, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”

Second, we must choose to forgive.

Sometimes in our flesh, this is impossible to do. My heart was broken this week when I heard about a friend whose special needs son, who reminds me of my Connor, was horribly mistreated by his aid worker at school. Or another friend whose child was sexually abused by a classmate at school. It is situations like these that make forgiveness unthinkable, unfathomable, without the help of God.

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, – Matthew 6:14 ESV

When we choose to forgive others who have wounded us, we are partaking in the mysteries of God. Jesus was despised, wounded, and rejected on our behalf. A man acquainted with sorrows. Who is our great high priest!

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.  Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. – Hebrews 4:14-16 ESV

We can boldly enter the throne of grace and draw near to Jesus who understands our frailty and our humanity where we may obtain mercy and grace in our times of trouble! We do not serve a God who is far off, but one is who is near.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18 ESV

Thirdly, we must choose to love.

When the disciples asked Jesus about the greatest commandment, this is what he said.

 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.  And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.  On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” – Matthew 22:36-40

We are to love God, and love others.

Even when they hurt us? YES

What about when they hurt the ones we love? YES

When they are our enemies? YES, even then

What is impossible with man, is possible with God. We must choose to pray and seek God in times of trouble. Forgive those who have wounded us, and decide to love.


Posted by Misty Phillip

By His Grace: Seek Jesus, Study the Word, Grow in Grace Bible Study Author, Christian Lifestyle Blogger, & Speaker www.MistyPhillip.com


  1. So very true. Even though forgiveness is hard, it is possible, it is our choice, and it is imperative for our healing. Thanks for your words of wisdom.


    1. Misty Phillip 08/19/2017 at 7:27 pm

      Thanks so much for your encouragement! This is something that is easier said and can be much more difficult to walk out, but God is faithful to see us through!
      Many blessings! ❤️ Misty


  2. Amazing & Profound Thank you Bless you, Misty abundantly in Jesus name Amen


    1. Misty Phillip 08/22/2017 at 7:01 am

      Thank you Sarah! Blessings <3 Misty


  3. Our hurts can only be healed by the greatest Healer. Imitating how Jesus reacted and acted during such hurts is the best lesson to follow.
    Blessings Misty!
    You look so beautiful in your new pictures.
    visiting from Christian marriage and motherhood



    1. Misty Phillip 08/22/2017 at 9:23 pm

      Hi! Diana, Have you heard the expression that time heals all wounds? I believe time can help, but you are right that only Jesus can truly heal our hurts! Thanks so much! ❤️ Blessings, Misty


  4. Beautifully laid out, Misty. Definitely no easy tasks and definitely only in the strength of Jesus, but definitely possible! Thanks so much for sharing 🙂


    1. Misty Phillip 08/24/2017 at 5:26 am

      Laura, You are absolutely right, it is not easy, but by the grace of God we can choose to love and forgive another. <3 Misty


  5. I love this. So important and beautiful when we show the love and forgiveness we’ve been shown.


    1. Misty Phillip 08/24/2017 at 5:24 am

      Hi! Bailey, Thanks so much!! I am glad that you liked it. <3 Blessings, Misty


  6. Misty, we need this truth like we need our next heartbeat, because our life depends on it. Thanks for sharing principles that I already know in my head, but need repeated often and with grace.


    1. Misty Phillip 08/24/2017 at 6:30 am

      Hi! Michelle, We live in difficult times for sure. We turn on the news and see a country that is divided. Many people are hurt, others afraid and many angry. If we want to affect our culture with real change it begins in our own hearts. We must choose to love, choose to forgive those in our families, churches, in the work place, and in our community that have hurt us. They will know us by our love for one another. Thanks so much for visiting today! May Jesus shine his face upon you today! 💕 Misty


  7. Beautiful post, Misty. I agree we must be careful who we share our hearts with, because it can invite even more hurt. Sharing this on FB and Twitter.


    1. Misty Phillip 08/24/2017 at 9:48 am

      Thanks so much Sarah!! Be blessed today friend and thanks for sharing!! ❤️ Misty


  8. Choosing to forgive is so important and so hard. It’s the only key to personal happiness after a crushing circumstance. Three great choices when dealing with hurt.


  9. Misty, thank you for ministering to my heart in this.


    1. Misty Phillip 08/25/2017 at 4:52 pm

      Thank you, Crystal, Blessings to you friend! ❤️ Misty


  10. This message is spot on, Misty! We are all going to be hurt by someone in our lives, but how we handle it will affect our ability to move forward in life. Offense can stop us from walking in God’s fullness in our lives. I love your practical tips here! I’ll be featuring this on Salt & Light this week!


    1. Misty Phillip 08/30/2017 at 1:12 pm

      Alisa, Thanks so much! What a blessing I am so honored! ❤️ blessings, Misty


  11. […] This week I read Misty’s post 3 Things to do When We are Deeply Wounded by Others. […]


  12. Misty, thank you for this! So much truth here.
    I can absolutely relate to this message. I have recently undergone a very painful season in my life where I was deeply hurt by a friend that I love and trusted.
    I was a wounded and bloody mess of a person, at the end of it all. Not a fun experience.
    I believe there are many who need to hear this message. You communicated the steps toward healing so well, and I can attest to the fact that they really do help in the process of healing.
    Thank you for sharing!

    Ps- thanks for stopping by my blog the other day. I love “meeting” and communicating with my fellow sisters!

    Also, I hope this is okay to add. (Please just delete if not). I recently wrote an article that could honestly be a follow-up to yours, on helping others “tear down their walls” after walking through a season of rejection and hurt.
    Feel free to check it out, if you like.




    1. Misty Phillip 09/30/2017 at 10:46 am


      Nice “meeting” you too! Thanks for adding to this conversation!

      Blessings, Misty


  13. […] Title : 3 Things to do when we are deeply wounded by others […]


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