Contending for the Covenant

Contending for the Covenant

My sweet friend Angel Penn is featuring a series on her blog Experiencing Freedom on Biblical Marriage entitled Contending for the Covenant: A 20 Day Marriage Series.    I am honored and so excited to be one of the featured bloggers in this series! Check out this amazing lineup of guest bloggers.


Behind Every Great Man

As a young wife and mom with a house full of boys, I struggled to keep it all together. Our house was busy and loud most of the time since we homeschooled our boys. A great deal of my days were consumed with teaching, and training the boys, mountains of laundry, and trying to cook healthy meals to boys that were bottomless pits.

On one particular day, we finished our school early and made plans to go meet some friends at the park. Before we left, I wanted to get a head start on dinner so put a pot of dried pinto beans on the stove, covered them with water and planned to quick soak them before we left to go to the park. That way dinner would be quick and easy to cook when I got home. 

Between looking for a lost shoe, trying to find the bb’s to the airsoft gun, and getting out of the house in one piece. It was a usual but hectic time just getting out the door to go meet our friends. Finally, we get to the park, and the boys all run off to meet their friends, and I look forward to some much-needed mom fellowship….


My post goes live tomorrow and I would love for you to check it out. Behind Every Great Man  Find out What a Pot of Beans Taught Me About Being an Excellent Wife!

While you are there check out some of the other powerful posts in this series, and give Angel a follow. #Istilldo

Much Love,

 

 

 

Misty Phillip

Simple, Powerful Steps to Create Deep Intimacy in Marriage

Simple, Powerful Steps to Create Deep Intimacy in Marriage

This week my guest on By His Grace is Michelle Hammer. Michelle wears many hats wife, mom, grandma, Pastoral Counselor, and Psychotherapist. Michelle is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, Board Certified Clinical Supervisor, Certified Pastoral Counselor, Author, and Motivational Speaker. On the podcast, we discuss martial challenges and Michelle is here on the blog today to offer some biblical insight into a common martial struggle. Please welcome Michelle Hammer.  – Listen to the podcast here –>


Marriage Make-over 

by Michelle Hammer

Today’s post is about to get real. I have permission from my lovely hubby to put our core struggle out there.  It’s a struggle I see all the time in my practice with couples.  I know the struggle is real.  It’s also one of the main reasons emotional affairs happen unintentionally or intentionally.

EMOTIONAL DISCONNECT 

Emotional disconnect can happen for oodles of reasons.  Illness, busyness, misunderstandings, life stressors, raising kids, not taking time to share feelings, not knowing how to share feelings in positive ways, childhood wounds and many, many other day to day experiences called life.

I know it happens because it’s recently creeped into my and hubby’s day to day. 

Not by our design or will but by the sheer force of the trials of this life.  It isn’t an easy battle to face.

For my hubby and I, the battle has been LACK OF TIME. He took on an “unintended” commitment for a wonderful cause last year.  He said he kept hearing GOD say,  You must become less, I must become more.”  Powerful, huh?  I actually told him, “Who am I to stand in the way of God!”

Let me give the back story.

 We are currently building a retreat center where people can find solace, respite, relaxation, recreation and some good, old-fashioned, clean fun.  During our transition to this new space, my hubby would be out of a space to work so to speak.  So, he decided to do something with his passion for food, in the meanwhile.  He applied for a sous chef position.  Not just any sous chef position; but, teaching homeless persons food service skills so they can find employment.

This position is in an actual bistro in the heart of downtown Annapolis where our retreat center is being built.  He felt it would be great to both continue teaching, work with persons in need, help others find a better quality of life, and keep an eye on our building project.  Of course, he was right!

 The only problem is, as usual, life happened.  He was only there three days when the GM resigned and the Executive Chef of the entire restaurant was promoted.  As my hubby has been an Executive Chef many times in the past, of course, they would offer the position to him.  Hubby being hubby, his word from the Lord, and people in need led him to say yes, for one year.  Boy, what a year this has been.

Now,  back to our blog. 🙂 

He has been working so much that when he is off, he is exhausted, wiped out, with little left to give.  Me, on the other hand, I’m right where we left off when he took the commitment and anticipating his return to our shared business and ministry.

This isn’t said to blame him: however, as this now year and three months comes to a close that’s exactly what I unintentionally did to him the other day.

I was talking to him from a place of passion about our relationship in what I thought was a sharing of tender feelings sort of moment.  For him though, it was a moment of hurt and feeling blamed.  As we hashed this out, I realized my approach had been poor. Instead of sharing feelings of frustration and missing him, I was sharing my perspective in a way that was not cool.  (Use your imagination)  He returned the favor with some defensiveness (Use your imagination again) and ‘wala‘, the intent of the talk went south. 

We weren't getting any closer emotionally nor understanding one another's feelings. Click To Tweet

That’s what this post is about.  Because GOD is so good, and Hubby and I love each other fervently, we (eventually)worked it out and came up with a solution to our unmet emotional needs.  After this conflict I got to thinking, some people aren’t so lucky. They don’t have the resources I have at my fingertips.  So, that’s what this post is about.

Finally, you say. We hear what this post is about!  

EMOTIONAL VALIDATION

If you want to feel close to your partner and there’s been a disconnect for any reason, here’s a quick formula for successfully sharing feelings:

 1.  Pray before you say……Anything!

2.  Pick a time that’s good for you both.

3.  Follow this validation process:

Partner A-  State emotion, the reason why and request for change

Say, “I feel ________when you________. I really need_________.”

Partner B-  Clarify what you’ve heard

Say, “What I hear you saying is________

Partner A- Restate your position

Say, “That’s exactly how I feel and what I need” OR

repeat Step A until your partner hears clearly what you’ve said.

Partner B-  Offer understanding

Say, “I understand how you feel and what you need.”  Then state the feeling and need.

Partner A-  Affirm partner B for getting it

Say, “It feels so good to be understood.” or some other nice affirmation

 Partner A and B- Brainstorm Solutions Together. 

Partner B and A-  Do it over again in opposite roles.

Okay, okay, okay. This may sound elementary; however, when there’s hurt, anger, misunderstanding etc., words start flying and emotions get heightened or the opposite, people stonewall and shut down or fly off the handle and leave the scene.  Instead of feeling closer, each person feels more misunderstood.  Where the intent is to share feelings instead, conflict ensues.

By keeping it simple, the focus remains on the shared emotions.  By sticking to the formula, it ensures each partner is heard.  Otherwise, before the feelings are expressed and understood, conflict erupts and divides the partners.  With this formula, conflict creates the beauty it intends.  To bring two lovers to a better understanding of one another and draw them closer.

Nothing keeps the fires of love burning like some emotional closeness.  Especially since women work sexually from an emotional place, men love to be admired and to feel like they are doing things their woman appreciates and needs.

Keep trying this process until it becomes so natural you and your partner can connect effortlessly and then get to the fun of why your partnered up in the first place… Intimacy.

 Which, by the way, means INTO ME SEE.  Who doesn’t want that?

Meanwhile, got to go. Only have so much time with the hubby until his work is done next month, thank God.  Praise the Lord! Want to go spend it seeing into him and him seeing into me.  We have a lot of catching up to do!

Michelle Hammer, MS, LCPC, CPC,  currently serves as the Chief Executive Officer at Turning Leaf Counseling & Consultation, LLC. 

http://turningleafcounselingandconsultation.com/


Wasn’t that good? How often do we get too busy doing our own thing, that we don’t slow down long enough to share our hearts with our spouse and create intimacy?

This week think of some ways that you can create intimacy with your spouse, and create some time for emotional closeness.

Much Love,

Misty Phillip

Misty Phillip

What To Do If Your Spouse Has A Problem With Pornography

What To Do If Your Spouse Has A Problem With Pornography

Pornography used to be a dirty little shameful secret, but with advances in technology and personal computing, pornography is just a click away and can be accessed in privacy anywhere on your computer or smartphone. Pornography is a growing problem that affects men, women, teens, and children. Christians are not immune to the problems associated with pornography. 

Many of the problems we have in our world today stem from the sin of sexual immorality. Pornography, Sex Trafficking, Abortion, Adultery, and Divorce are rampant today and all stem from sexual immorality. As Christians, we need to address these problems from a Biblical perspective and shed light into the darkness in this world.

Join me today at A Wife Like Me where I share what you should do if you find out your spouse is viewing porn. 

What To Do If Your Spouse Has a Problem With Pornography

 

If you find your husband viewing pornography you may feel any combination of feeling hurt, shame, betrayal, rejection, jealous, angry or humiliation.

 

Sister, the first thing I want to tell you is you are not alone. Pornography is a serious problem affecting over half of marriages today. With easy access to the internet and mobile phones, pornography can now be viewed with a few simple keystrokes.

 

I also want to tell you is that there is hope. Nothing is impossible for our God. If God can speak a word and create a universe, don’t you think that He can redeem and restore your marriage?

 

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9 ESV

 

How do I know this to be true? My husband struggled with pornography early in our marriage and God delivered him from it. I forgave him and God restored our marriage and my trust. Our marriage is better today than it was twenty years ago.

Join me at A Wife Like Me to find out what to do if your spouse has a problem with pornography.

All this week at A Wife Like Me we are focusing on the issue of pornography in marriage. There will be daily content on the A Wife Like Me Website and we will be going Live on the A Wife Like Me Gathering Facebook Group A Wife Like Me Gathering Facebook Group

Join me tonight I will be going LIVE with Amanda Davison at 7PM CST A Wife Like Me Gathering Facebook Group.

Please share this post to help kick pornography to the curb and protect marriages and families from the effects of pornography. 

 

 

 

 

Welcome!

Welcome!

Hi, and welcome to my blog. My name is Misty Phillip and I am passionate about following Jesus, and getting to know him more everyday by studying his word. I am crazy blessed with an amazing husband Peter, three handsome sons, some of the best friends a girl could ever have, and a life filled with extraordinary adventures. The goal of my blog is for me to share with you the things that the Lord has taught me and is teaching me through my marriage, motherhood, homeschooling, and homemaking, through the seasons of life. The journey has been filled with both joy and pain, and it is my prayer that my life experiences will encourage you in your faith journey!

It is a work in progress so please subscribe so that you can receive updates.

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