In this episode of By His Grace, Fred Stoeker shares his personal journey of addiction to pornography, heavy drinking, and chasing after multiple girlfriends. He experienced a spiritual awakening and used Christian teachings and prayers to take control of his actions. He is the author of “Every Man’s Battle” and “Every Young Man’s Battle,” which discusses the importance of controlling the eyes and mind to break free from addiction.
Fred provides an excerpt from the book he co-authored with his wife, Brenda entitled, “Battle On, Battle Over,” which highlights the increasing problem of porn addiction in women. The speaker warns that exposure to graphic content can create greater desire and urges listeners to prioritize purity. The episode also discusses the science behind how porn addiction affects the brain and how Christianity can help overcome this sin.
The Speaker’s Struggles with Addiction
- Addiction to pornography, heavy drinking, and chasing after multiple girlfriends.
- Spiritual awakening and began heavily attending church and learning.
- Marriage did not solve his sexual sin issue.
- Battle against his addiction and with the help of the Lord, was able to control his eyes and mind to break free almost entirely.
Every Man’s Battle and Every Young Man’s Battle
Discusses the importance of controlling the eyes and mind as a defense against addiction.– Only surrendering to the Lord can fill the God shaped hole in our hearts.– Overcoming sin is a sanctification process, but God is gentle, kind, and loving, helping us overcome any struggle as long as we give that battle to Him.– The speaker learned to avoid triggers through God’s training.– Women have also found the books helpful in changing their behavior regarding eye movements.– Every Man’s Battle has been updated for its 20th anniversary, and it provides training on how the mind and neural pathways work when looking at pornography.
Fred and Brenda Stoker’s Work
- Married couple writing a book together for both men and women.
- There is currently a wave of sexual sin and porn addiction in both men and women.
- Female sexuality is intensely relational and tied to feelings of loneliness and disconnection, while male sexuality is visual.– Pornographers have learned to tie romantic themes to porn to appeal to women.
- Women can get addicted to porn and seek it as a medication for loneliness and disconnection.–
- Every Man’s Battle and Every Young Man’s Battle provide practical steps to defend the eyes.
- Women with father wounds or broken marriages are particularly vulnerable to being hooked on porn.
Importance of Guarding Eyes and Mind
- Pornography can be destructive to both individuals and marriages.Call to prioritize purity in the present time.
- Overexposure to certain types of media can physically alter the brain by burning out receptors.
- Exposure to increasingly graphic content can create an increasing desire for more.
- The speaker emphasizes the need to use tools to guard one’s eyes and mind.
- The ultimate goal is to follow God’s ways and desire purity.
Pornography’s Effect on Men and Women
- Pornography is not just a problem for men, but increasingly for women as well.
- Misty shares her personal experience with husband’s struggle with pornography. Husband’s struggle began during stressful time with special needs son.
- Sexual sin may not be sexual at its root but may stem from financial pressure, weak manhood, or other pain points.
- Prayer and worship can help deal with pain and stress without resorting to sexual sin, leading to freedom from masturbation and the lustful gaze.
Battle On Battle Over
We live in a culture that’s awash in pornography and sexual sin. For the first time in history, a growing percentage of women have been swept up by the same savage undertow as men, and they are drowning together in this heaving, destructive sea.
Perhaps you’ve been gripped by the same relentless riptide, and it’s yanking you into a dark, addictive abyss, causing you to wonder if there’s a way out. Is sexual freedom even possible these days?
The answer is an affirmative yes, according to Brenda and Fred Stoeker, the co-authors of Battle On, Battle Over. In their remarkably frank and brutally honest book, they zero in on the root causes of sexual sin and highlight a major vulnerability in both male and female sexuality that sets you up for a fall. The modern-day scourge of sexual temptation is as close as the nearest smartphone, but Brenda and Fred will give you a roadmap to freedom.
You’ll discover how to shut down your sexual sin and experience total victory for the rest of your life. Whether you’re a man or a woman, if you have significant issues with pornography and sexual self-stimulation, let Battle On, Battle Over be your guide to conquering these foes once and for all.
Topics covered in Battle On, Battle Over:
• Is sexual purity even possible in our current culture?
• The great vulnerability in human sexuality that we call “The Stealth Trap.”
• Why women are now being addicted in large numbers for the first time.
• How our view of our own manhood, as men, can trap us.
• How to rebuild your soul to ensure a lifetime of freedom from porn and masturbation, through one-on-one worship, fasting, and the study of the Word.
• How sexual purity impacts individual destiny, family destiny, and local church destiny.
• How husbands and wives can work together to win the battle. It is not just every man’s battle, but every couple’s battle.
• Three open letters: One to single women, one to divorced men, and one to single men who’ve never been married.
Brenda Stoeker is a seasoned marriage teacher and a co-author of Every Heart Restored and The Healing Choice. She’s also a registered nurse and mother of four, and Fred and Brenda have been happily married for over forty years.
Fred Stoeker is co-author of the best-selling Every Man’s Battle and Every Young Man’s Battle., Every Man’s Marriage, and Every Young Man’s Battle. Every Man’s Battle is currently translated into nearly thirty languages and has sold well over 1,000,000 copies world-wide already. A graduate of Stanford University, Fred has won two Christian Book Award Gold Medallions and two Silver Medallions for writing excellence. He is also a popular conference speaker who travels both nationally and internationally to challenge men and women to become sexually pure and to reconnect in true intimate relationship with their spouses, all the while encouraging and equipping people to rise up and be Christian rather than simply seem Christian.
Today, Fred Stoeker is President of Living True Ministries, whose mission is to practically elucidate God’s truth for everyday living and to encourage and equip men and women to rise up and be Christian, rather than to simply seem Christian. (For more information, go to www.FredStoeker.com). Fred is also a well-known conference speaker who has spoken in or been televised into 59 nations, and who is bent upon challenging people to become sexually pure and to connect in true intimate relationships with their Father in Heaven and with their spouses and children on earth. Fred has been nominated for numerous writing awards and has won two Gold Medallion awards and two Silver Medallion awards for writing excellence. He has been married to his wife Brenda for over forty-one years and has four adult children following Christ, and he has co-written threebooks with Brenda, including the Silver Medallion winner Every Heart Restored. The other two books are Grief and a Shattered Spirit and the newest, Battle On, Battle Over, www.battleonbattleover.com.
Mike Yorkey is the author, co-author, or general editor of more than 120 books, including more than a half dozen with Brenda and Fred Stoeker.
Thank you for listening to the By hIs grace podcast! We love hearing from our listeners. Please leave us a review wherever you listen to podcasts.