By His Grace
Fred Stoeker: Fighting for Purity: Overcoming Pornography

Fred Stoeker: Fighting for Purity: Overcoming Pornography

In this episode of By His Grace, Fred Stoeker shares his personal journey of addiction to pornography, heavy drinking, and chasing after multiple girlfriends. He experienced a spiritual awakening and used Christian teachings and prayers to take control of his actions. He is the author of “Every Man’s Battle” and “Every Young Man’s Battle,” which discusses the importance of controlling the eyes and mind to break free from addiction.


Fred provides an excerpt from the book he co-authored with his wife, Brenda entitled, “Battle On, Battle Over,” which highlights the increasing problem of porn addiction in women. The speaker warns that exposure to graphic content can create greater desire and urges listeners to prioritize purity. The episode also discusses the science behind how porn addiction affects the brain and how Christianity can help overcome this sin.

The Speaker’s Struggles with Addiction

  • Addiction to pornography, heavy drinking, and chasing after multiple girlfriends.
  • Spiritual awakening and began heavily attending church and learning.
  • Marriage did not solve his sexual sin issue.
  • Battle against his addiction and with the help of the Lord, was able to control his eyes and mind to break free almost entirely.

Every Man’s Battle and Every Young Man’s Battle

Discusses the importance of controlling the eyes and mind as a defense against addiction.– Only surrendering to the Lord can fill the God shaped hole in our hearts.– Overcoming sin is a sanctification process, but God is gentle, kind, and loving, helping us overcome any struggle as long as we give that battle to Him.– The speaker learned to avoid triggers through God’s training.– Women have also found the books helpful in changing their behavior regarding eye movements.– Every Man’s Battle has been updated for its 20th anniversary, and it provides training on how the mind and neural pathways work when looking at pornography.

Fred and Brenda Stoker’s Work

  • Married couple writing a book together for both men and women.
  • There is currently a wave of sexual sin and porn addiction in both men and women.
  • Female sexuality is intensely relational and tied to feelings of loneliness and disconnection, while male sexuality is visual.– Pornographers have learned to tie romantic themes to porn to appeal to women.
  • Women can get addicted to porn and seek it as a medication for loneliness and disconnection.
  • Every Man’s Battle and Every Young Man’s Battle provide practical steps to defend the eyes.
  • Women with father wounds or broken marriages are particularly vulnerable to being hooked on porn.

Importance of Guarding Eyes and Mind

  • Pornography can be destructive to both individuals and marriages.Call to prioritize purity in the present time.
  • Overexposure to certain types of media can physically alter the brain by burning out receptors.
  • Exposure to increasingly graphic content can create an increasing desire for more.
  • The speaker emphasizes the need to use tools to guard one’s eyes and mind.
  • The ultimate goal is to follow God’s ways and desire purity.

Pornography’s Effect on Men and Women

  • Pornography is not just a problem for men, but increasingly for women as well.
  • Misty shares her personal experience with husband’s struggle with pornography. Husband’s struggle began during stressful time with special needs son.
  • Sexual sin may not be sexual at its root but may stem from financial pressure, weak manhood, or other pain points.
  • Prayer and worship can help deal with pain and stress without resorting to sexual sin, leading to freedom from masturbation and the lustful gaze.

Battle On Battle Over

We live in a culture that’s awash in pornography and sexual sin. For the first time in history, a growing percentage of women have been swept up by the same savage undertow as men, and they are drowning together in this heaving, destructive sea.
Perhaps you’ve been gripped by the same relentless riptide, and it’s yanking you into a dark, addictive abyss, causing you to wonder if there’s a way out. Is sexual freedom even possible these days?

The answer is an affirmative yes, according to Brenda and Fred Stoeker, the co-authors of Battle On, Battle Over. In their remarkably frank and brutally honest book, they zero in on the root causes of sexual sin and highlight a major vulnerability in both male and female sexuality that sets you up for a fall. The modern-day scourge of sexual temptation is as close as the nearest smartphone, but Brenda and Fred will give you a roadmap to freedom.

You’ll discover how to shut down your sexual sin and experience total victory for the rest of your life. Whether you’re a man or a woman, if you have significant issues with pornography and sexual self-stimulation, let Battle On, Battle Over be your guide to conquering these foes once and for all.

Topics covered in Battle On, Battle Over:
• Is sexual purity even possible in our current culture?
• The great vulnerability in human sexuality that we call “The Stealth Trap.”
• Why women are now being addicted in large numbers for the first time.
• How our view of our own manhood, as men, can trap us.
• How to rebuild your soul to ensure a lifetime of freedom from porn and masturbation, through one-on-one worship, fasting, and the study of the Word.
• How sexual purity impacts individual destiny, family destiny, and local church destiny.
• How husbands and wives can work together to win the battle. It is not just every man’s battle, but every couple’s battle.
• Three open letters: One to single women, one to divorced men, and one to single men who’ve never been married.

Author Biography

Brenda Stoeker is a seasoned marriage teacher and a co-author of Every Heart Restored and The Healing Choice. She’s also a registered nurse and mother of four, and Fred and Brenda have been happily married for over forty years.

Fred Stoeker is co-author of the best-selling Every Man’s Battle and Every Young Man’s Battle., Every Man’s Marriage, and Every Young Man’s Battle. Every Man’s Battle is currently translated into nearly thirty languages and has sold well over 1,000,000 copies world-wide already. A graduate of Stanford University, Fred has won two Christian Book Award Gold Medallions and two Silver Medallions for writing excellence. He is also a popular conference speaker who travels both nationally and internationally to challenge men and women to become sexually pure and to reconnect in true intimate relationship with their spouses, all the while encouraging and equipping people to rise up and be Christian rather than simply seem Christian.

Today, Fred Stoeker is President of Living True Ministries, whose mission is to practically elucidate God’s truth for everyday living and to encourage and equip men and women to rise up and be Christian, rather than to simply seem Christian. (For more information, go to Fred is also a well-known conference speaker who has spoken in or been televised into 59 nations, and who is bent upon challenging people to become sexually pure and to connect in true intimate relationships with their Father in Heaven and with their spouses and children on earth. Fred has been nominated for numerous writing awards and has won two Gold Medallion awards and two Silver Medallion awards for writing excellence. He has been married to his wife Brenda for over forty-one years and has four adult children following Christ, and he has co-written threebooks with Brenda, including the Silver Medallion winner Every Heart Restored. The other two books are Grief and a Shattered Spirit and the newest, Battle On, Battle Over,  

Mike Yorkey is the author, co-author, or general editor of more than 120 books, including more than a half dozen with Brenda and Fred Stoeker.

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Biblical Motherhood

Biblical Motherhood

Welcome to the By His Grace Podcast, I’m Misty Phillip and today, I want to encourage my fellow moms as we approach Mother’s Day. Today I want to be discuss the importance of biblical motherhood and the impact it can have on our families and communities.

Motherhood is an incredible journey, full of joys and challenges.

It’s a journey that requires patience, love, and sacrifice. As we navigate this path, it can be easy to get caught up in the daily grind and lose sight of the bigger picture. But when we look to the Bible for guidance, we can find wisdom and encouragement to help us on this journey.

Proverbs 31:10-31 ESV

The Woman Who Fears the Lord

10 [d] An excellent wife who can find?
    She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
    and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
    all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
    and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
    she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
    and provides food for her household
    and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
    with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself[e] with strength
    and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
    Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
    and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
    and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
    for all her household are clothed in scarlet.[f]
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
    her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
    when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
    she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
    and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
    and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
    and let her works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31 is a beautiful passage that describes the qualities of a virtuous woman. This woman is a wife and a mother, and she is praised for her hard work, her wisdom, and her kindness. She is a woman who fears the Lord, and her children rise up and call her blessed. As mothers, we can learn a lot from this passage. We can strive to be women of integrity, who work hard to provide for our families and create a loving home environment. We can seek wisdom from the Lord and ask Him to guide us as we raise our children.

Biblical Examples of Strong Moms

As we study the Bible we find countless examples of strong and faithful mothers who raised children who went on to do great things. One such example is Jochebed, the mother of Moses. She was a Hebrew woman living in Egypt during a time when Pharaoh had ordered all Hebrew baby boys to be killed. But Jochebed refused to give up on her son and placed him in a basket in the Nile River, trusting that God would protect him.


Through God’s grace, Moses was rescued by Pharaoh’s daughter and grew up to become a great leader of the Israelites, leading them out of slavery in Egypt. Jochebed’s faith and determination remind us that even in the face of difficult circumstances, God can work miracles through the love and dedication of a mother.


Another example is Hannah, the mother of Samuel. Hannah was unable to have children, and she prayed fervently to God for a son. When God blessed her with Samuel, she dedicated him to God’s service and raised him to be a faithful prophet. Hannah’s story shows us that even when we face disappointment or hardship, we can turn to God in prayer and trust that He has a plan for our lives and our children’s lives.

As mothers, we can learn so much from these biblical examples. We can be encouraged that our efforts in raising our children in the ways of the Lord can have a lasting impact.

We can trust that God is with us every step of the way and that He will equip us with everything we need to be the best mothers we can be.

Modeling the Christian Life

One of the most important things we can do as mothers is to model a life of faith for our children. We can teach them about God’s love and grace, and show them what it means to live a life that honors Him. We can pray for our children and ask God to protect them and guide them on their own faith journeys. We can read, study, and memorize scripture together.

Motherhood both challenging and rewarding!

Motherhood can be challenging, but it’s also one of the most rewarding roles we can have in life. When we embrace biblical motherhood, we can experience the joy of seeing our children grow and thrive, and we can make a positive impact on our families and communities.

Mom your work is valuable, your love is powerful, and your influence is eternal. Keep pressing on, and trust in God’s grace to guide you through every moment of motherhood.

Verses that have encouraged me in my motherhood journey

I want to share a few scriptures that have encouraged me in my motherhood journey.

Proverbs 22:6 ESV “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

3 John 4 ESV says, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”

Hebrews 12:1 ESV “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us”

Galatians 6:9 ESV  -“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

So, to all the mothers out there listening today, I want to encourage you to keep pressing on. Remember that you are loved and valued by God, and that He has entrusted you with the incredible responsibility of raising your children. Seek His guidance and wisdom, and trust Him to help you on this journey. Thank you for tuning in to the By His Grace Podcast.

The Struggle is Real: But so is God

“The Struggle is Real but So is God” is a Bible study by Misty Phillip that explores the struggles and challenges that people face in their lives, and how God can help them overcome these challenges. The study focuses on practical ways to apply biblical principles to our everyday lives. The study emphasizes the importance of faith, prayer, and perseverance in facing the trials and difficulties that come our way. It encourages readers to trust in God’s wisdom and plan for their lives, even when things seem difficult or overwhelming.

Through this study, readers are challenged to deepen their relationship with God and to seek his guidance and strength in all areas of their lives. They are reminded that, even in the midst of struggles, God is always present and willing to help us overcome. “The Struggle is Real but So is God” is a practical and inspiring resource for anyone looking to deepen their faith and trust in God, and to find hope and strength in the midst of life’s challenges.

Purchase your copy of The Struggles Real:But so is God today!

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